What We Leave Behind [Attn: Nyaine Lintelle]

A place for the Learning Ranks to socialize and mingle.
User avatar
Green Head of Ajah Female
Posts: 4140
Joined: Tue Apr 14, 2015 4:28 pm
PC: Miahala Darrow Sedai
SC: Lysira Viathene Gaidin
TC: Gareth Tomosan Asha'man
QC: Natlya Cade Gaidin
QC: Andraste Alhandra Sedai
Location: New England

Re: What We Leave Behind [Attn: Nyaine Lintelle]

Postby Bella » Sat Sep 30, 2017 6:54 am

For a long moment, Isla's body tightened further...until it all finally just collapsed in on itself. It felt as though as the air had been let from her and she simply deflated. She sighed heavily and dropped her head, only finishing the bandage as she mingled in the defeat. She did not want Nyaine to fear her. Yet, it was going to happen either way.

"I told you I was a soldier," she whispered, staring at the red spots bleeding through the bandage. "And that's true. I was a soldier, in Amadicia." She paused. "Put those two things together, and who do you think I served?"

Her blue eyes shifted from bandage to stained nightgown as her emotions began to rise up. "I was born the only daughter of a commander of the Children of the Light. My mother died shortly after I was born, and my father raised me alone. The Children were the only family I had, and I wanted to be among them. My father made it so. I was a Child of the Light, though I was a girl, and young.

"Until we fought against a channeler and her warder. They nearly decimated us, and I channeled to defend myself. The channeler disappeared, and the few Children who remained alive...knew what I had done.

"I was arrested and put in the dungeons. They...questioned me. They wanted to know how long I had been channeling, when I knew and how long I'd been keeping it a secret. I had not known, but they didn't care. They questioned, and they beat me. These scars are from them, and my time being hurt by my...family."

She licked her lips. Her breath trembled in her lungs as she fought back tears, with little success. "My father didn't want to see me executed. He freed me and told me to come here. So I did.

"I...don't want these wounds to fade. I get...I get anxious and afraid, and opening them like this...soothes me. I would never hurt another, I don't want to hurt anyone, I just want to..." She stumbled over the truth of her own words. "...hurt myself."

User avatar
Novice
Posts: 82
Joined: Tue May 30, 2017 3:13 am
PC: Nyaine Lintelle, Novice

Re: What We Leave Behind [Attn: Nyaine Lintelle]

Postby Daniel » Tue Oct 03, 2017 2:17 pm

Nyaine
Nyaine watched Isla as she was making her decision and then visibly sagged. She did not actually want to lose Isla and rather hoped she would decide to share with her instead of hiding deeper in her shell. She, too, felt some tension go when her roommate started talking. So, Isla was a former Whitecloak, a Child of the Light. That certainly explained her previous reluctance to talk about her past. Nyaine figured it was not something she herself would not advertise either.

Isla’s story was tragic, most certainly. Betrayed by your family, if not in blood, then at least in soul, that was a harsh fate that Nyaine wished on nobody. She could not imagine how it must feel like, could not imagine her family betraying her like that, even going so far as torturing her. The fact that she and her fellow Children had attacked a channeller should upset her, but it paled besides the grim fate that had befallen Isla for defending her companions with the power. The fact that just the ability to channel the One Power made one an unredeemable darkfriend in the eyes of Whitecloaks did not do much to endear them to Nyaine. That apart from her bloodkin nobody even considered that person’s character instead was unbelievable and yet true.

Nyaine’s heart felt trapped by pity and ire at the fate of the Amadician. She thought Nyaine would hate her for this? She had done nothing that could make Nyaine hate her. Sure, if she had been the attacked channeller, things might be different. But she wasn’t.
“I never really thought you would hurt me, Isla,” Nyaine finally said. “I don’t hate you, how could I? You have done nothing to me. You are the one who has been treated horribly, not me.” She took a deep breath, trying to gather her thoughts in order to broach the topic of her roommate’s nightly activities, trying to be a voice reason. “I think I understand some of why you are doing this, but you must stop this. Even if the wounds fade, the scars always will remain that connection to your previous family. If you need someone for… soothing, I would rather you wake me or someone else. I am probably terrible at that, but I must be better than a knife.”

Nyaine anxiously took yet another deep breath. She did not want to force herself on Isla, but what other option was there? Was she supposed to let Isla keep hurting herself over and over again? She hoped she was doing the right thing.
Image

User avatar
Green Head of Ajah Female
Posts: 4140
Joined: Tue Apr 14, 2015 4:28 pm
PC: Miahala Darrow Sedai
SC: Lysira Viathene Gaidin
TC: Gareth Tomosan Asha'man
QC: Natlya Cade Gaidin
QC: Andraste Alhandra Sedai
Location: New England

Re: What We Leave Behind [Attn: Nyaine Lintelle]

Postby Bella » Wed Oct 04, 2017 6:45 pm

Isla chewed the inside of her lip as she waited tensely to find out what Nyaine's reaction would be. Isla had been a Child of the Light, who hated all channelers and may well have done something terrible to Nyaine herself had they found her... How could one not hate someone who had a past filled with that?

And yet...she said she didn't. She seemed to feel...compassion. New tears welled up in Isla's eyes, making them shine silver as the tears choked her.

She had to clear her throat a few times and look away, instead looking again at her bandaged arm. She had to stop... She knew that she had to stop, but she didn't know how. The urge to do so was more than any drive she'd ever experienced. She slowly felt like she might explode if she didn't...release it, through her blood and pain.

"I..." She choked again and swallowed hard. "I don't do it every night," she managed to get out. "Only when my mind seems to race and this feeling grows in my chest, like I might die if I don't do something to rid myself of it." She lifted her tormented gaze to Nyaine's, still struggling to believe the compassion being offered to her.

She bit her lip for a moment. "Thank you for not casting me off," she said, changing the subject for a moment with her solemn but sincere words.

User avatar
Novice
Posts: 82
Joined: Tue May 30, 2017 3:13 am
PC: Nyaine Lintelle, Novice

Re: What We Leave Behind [Attn: Nyaine Lintelle]

Postby Daniel » Fri Oct 06, 2017 5:07 pm

Nyaine
Wondering whether she had achieved something, she nodded in acknowledgement of Isla’s words of thanks. “There is nothing to thank me for,” she replied flustered, having no idea how to respond. She smiled awkwardly, continuing with the first thing coming to mind. “Besides, I’ve gotten quite used to you being here, although the room is a bit small for two, but I don’t even want to think about breaking in a new roommate.”

It must be her tiredness, she concluded. Waking up in the middle of the night would make anyone’s brain work slowly. She turned her thoughts to what Isla had said before. There had been no reaction to her tentative offer, so maybe she ought to make it again. But was she really the person to deal with this? She had no experience with anything like this. Sure, the Power would allow her to Heal any wound and she was quite good at that, but this was no physical injury at all. And yet, was there anyone else? Isla had been terrified by the idea of talking to infirmary staff or tower officials. So, apparently Nyaine would have to suffice. She hoped that she did, taking a few seconds to order her thoughts before returning to the subject.

“I still think you should talk to the Mistress of Novices or someone in the infirmary,” she began, watching for Isla’s reaction, but then slowly continued. “But… If you feel like you cannot, maybe next time, you wake me instead and we talk or something, see if that helps.” If Isla agreed, it would surely cost her a couple of nights of sleep, but she had resolved to do what she could and that resolved had at least banished her feeling of helplessness for now.
Image

User avatar
Green Head of Ajah Female
Posts: 4140
Joined: Tue Apr 14, 2015 4:28 pm
PC: Miahala Darrow Sedai
SC: Lysira Viathene Gaidin
TC: Gareth Tomosan Asha'man
QC: Natlya Cade Gaidin
QC: Andraste Alhandra Sedai
Location: New England

Re: What We Leave Behind [Attn: Nyaine Lintelle]

Postby Bella » Fri Oct 06, 2017 5:28 pm

Isla's mind became an instant warzone.

The idea of telling this dreadful thing to anyone else was nearly enough to make her scream and flee her own room, or maybe her own mind as her sanity departed entirely. And yet...neither did she want to be a burden. Her life had taught her to be an independent woman, a woman soldier where never had there been one, but also a follower. The support system.

She was not trained for others to support her, but for her to support them. Or, at most, to support each other. What Nyaine was suggesting was not that, though. It was something to which the other girl would get nothing.

"That..." she began, then faltered. She pressed her lips together and then took a shuddering breath. "That is a terrible weight to put upon you," she managed to say. "I do not know that I have it in me to do that to you. And yet...I do not know what the Mistress of Novices would do to me if she found out. Could I be cast out of the Tower? I...I have nowhere to go, Nyaine."

User avatar
Novice
Posts: 82
Joined: Tue May 30, 2017 3:13 am
PC: Nyaine Lintelle, Novice

Re: What We Leave Behind [Attn: Nyaine Lintelle]

Postby Daniel » Mon Oct 09, 2017 5:38 pm

Nyaine
Nyaine had been rejected. Well, that wasn’t really an issue in and of itself, but what else could Isla do? If she felt like she did not want to involve Nyaine, if she felt like she could not stop on her own, if she felt like she did not want to talk to the Aes Sedai and Asha’man of the tower, what option was there? Could Nyaine live with letting Isla just continue as before? She was certain, she would not feel particularly good about doing that. Both leaving Isla to her fate and sleeping while her roommate wielded knife in the dark where not appealing to her at all.

“I honestly do not know whether you would be asked to leave,” Nyaine replied slowly, trying to think through what Isla’s situation meant for the Tower. She continued dissecting verbally what her roommate had told her, applying cold logic. “I should hope not, though. Have you told them about your history? I assume not. And yet, does it really change anything? You are a novice, one with the spark, even. Control of the power is vital lest it consume you. So that much is a given. You said that the sister you fought with escaped, so have not really harmed anyone, if she even was of the Grey Tower. I do not see any real reason why they should send you away.”

She drew up her legs which had grown cold and sat on them, feeling the ice clumps that were her feet against her buttox. Nyaine believed her own analysis. The Tower really was in a position similar to her own, with the marked difference that they always wanted more recruits, to have their numbers increase if possible. If Isla was a good student, she would surely be wanted to stay on, maybe even become a full sister. But there was always a risk when applying logic like that. It appeared to be the reasonable course of action to her, but maybe the people in charge in the Grey Tower had other things they would factor in or not think rationally at all.

“Please, Isla, you cannot go on with this thing,” Nyaine gestured towards her roommate’s arms, “I will help you through this if you want me to, though I probably cannot provide much more than someone to keep you company. Maybe in return you can teach me something of your homeland or some self-defense without channelling, so it would be a fair exchange… I can’t think of anything else besides this or the infirmary or Tia Sedai.“
Image

User avatar
Green Head of Ajah Female
Posts: 4140
Joined: Tue Apr 14, 2015 4:28 pm
PC: Miahala Darrow Sedai
SC: Lysira Viathene Gaidin
TC: Gareth Tomosan Asha'man
QC: Natlya Cade Gaidin
QC: Andraste Alhandra Sedai
Location: New England

Re: What We Leave Behind [Attn: Nyaine Lintelle]

Postby Bella » Wed Oct 11, 2017 11:35 am

Everything just continued to collapse inward.

She knew that Nyaine was right in at least one area, in that it could not continue. She was found out now, which had always frightened her but she hadn't been able to stop on her own. Isla knew that the other girl would not be able to leave it alone, and how could she really blame her for that? Would Isla not react the same way were it someone else and she the discoverer?

"I don't think I can do it alone," she admitted softly. "I don't think I can walk those steps between here and another without someone walking with me..." She worried at her lip. "Wherever you think is best. I know I'm not the best thinker about these things. If I were, I wouldn't be here now." Isla smiled feebly.

Then she thought through the rest. "I'd be happy to teach you whatever I can," she finally said, "in return. I don't want to be an undue burden."

User avatar
Novice
Posts: 82
Joined: Tue May 30, 2017 3:13 am
PC: Nyaine Lintelle, Novice

Re: What We Leave Behind [Attn: Nyaine Lintelle]

Postby Daniel » Sun Oct 22, 2017 12:00 pm

Nyaine
Wherever she thought was best? Nyaine suddenly felt very small. Had her roommate just resigned herself to whatever she decided? That did not at all sound like what she had intended. Well, not entirely. Obviously she had wanted Isla to agree to doing something about this habit of hers. She had wanted to give Isla an option besides going to the Tower officials, too. The only thing that had come to mind. And Isla had been correct in saying that it was quite the burden, but making the decision for her, was that not even more of a burden?

“Isla… I’m sorry, I should not have pushed that hard,” she said haltingly. “I always try finding solutions for problems, but this is not really a scholarly problem. My father always said hasty decisions are bad ones, so maybe you should think about all of this and decide tomorrow.” Nyaine realised that Isla might interpret that as her trying to back out of her own suggestion, which wasn’t at all the case, she just wanted… What? She wanted Isla be the one to make the decision of her own accord, she supposed and not have her be pressured into making it.
Image


Return to “The Learning Ranks”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest