So learning came with dangers, too. It wasn’t really that unexpected. If channelling without instruction could have deadly consequences, she supposed errors while being taught might have, too. The flutter in her stomach returned. Could this be like falling from the top of the Tower after all? But even if it was, what choice was there? At least now she had teachers like Elia Sedai that could control the fall to some degree.
She nodded trying to make it not look too eager and then attentively listened to the sister’s instruction. Closing her eyes, her vision turned black, intensifying the sensation of the spoken words. She made herself become aware of her breathing and controlled it to become regular and deep. With an effort she tried to banish all the thoughts that were racing in her mind.
Nyaine attempted to visualise a flower bud, but even in front of her mental eyes it remained mostly an unshapely green thing. Thinking of her parent’s garden, she picked a white lily that she had played with in her early days. The memory brought a smile, but both smile and memory needed to be pushed aside, so that she could concentrate on the flower. She managed that with some difficulty.
With the hint that the lily was to be colourful, she imagined splashes of red colour on the white petals and was reminded of the freckles in her own face, which of course were a far cry from vibrant. This realisation did unfortunately not help when Elia Sedai told her to become the lily herself. She was no flower. But maybe she ought to not transform herself into the flower in her mind, but put herself in the position of the lily, see things from its point of view.
That seemed in fact to work better, but she had to take a second to get her breathing back to a regular rhythm. If she was the flower, how would she react to the sun that the Indigo sister was now describing? She would most certainly unfold her petals and try to take in some of the warm sun rays. As she imagined her lily doing that, she felt like a small trickle of something incredible was filling not the flower, but her.
It seemed to intensify her senses. She could clearly smell the herbal soap she had used to wash this morning. Unaware of it, a smile had crept on her face. She wanted more, she reached for more, but as she did, the light seemed to be just one step away from her. She imagined the flower petals larger, but it only was enough to maintain that small trickle. Chasing after the sunlight only enlarged the distance, the rays feeling colder and colder and then even the trickle was gone. And suddenly there was a gigantic feeling of loss and disappointment. The corners of her mouth drooped down and she left out a small sigh.
“There was… I felt something, Aes Sedai. But when I tried to reach for more, it all went away”, she said, the sadness of the loss tinging her voice. She opened her eyes and looked at Elia Sedai.